For so much of my life I chased this idea, or rather 'ideal' of how life ‘should’ be. But I kept coming back to the same thought, ‘surely this can’t be it’. And whilst I would try to convince myself I was on the right path, and that I was getting it right… deep down I knew I wasn’t.
It was this questioning, and a deep knowing that there was more to life that kept me searching. Searching for the truth. Searching for what feels aligned to living the life that I am here to live... a life of purpose, meaning and fulfilment.
I yearned for the feeling that was sometimes experienced as a glimmer, a moment, where everything felt like it was in perfect harmony.
Moments where it felt like I was 'home' with another human being; a deep sense of connection ignited where the world just makes sense being with this person.
Moments where the sky danced with colour, illuminated in all its glory as the sun would rise, and set.
Moments where time felt as if it was standing still, no longer separate but a part of something so much bigger.
Moments of pure joy felt in the simplest of things, laughter spilling over and hurting your sides.
Moments of peace; such stillness within.
Moments of purpose pulsing; the feeling of being alive so right, so expansive.
Moments of free-flowing expression; the feeling of thriving from a sense of achievement, of contribution, and the sweet taste of freedom.
These moments had me seek more.
They were calling to me… they would sing to me, whisper to me, sometimes scream at me; anything to get my attention.
Until I realised these moments aren’t just mere moments, they are innately who we are… these moments are a calling from our soul, to come home.
And yet on our journey home, we get lost. It’s crazy how we swing from feeling lost, then home, then lost once again. And we begin to lose faith, to lose belief, feeling defeated, uncertain, irritated, frustrated, and we fight. We fight by distracting ourselves… from ourselves.
We get busy making a life, creating moments of feel-goods which manifest into addiction – we numb, we push, we pull, we flight. And the fight is within us; not with the world. The world is purely a reflection of our internal fight.
These moments that call are innately who we are.
It is always there. Our essence of greatness is untouched. It is the fight that disconnects us.
To find our way home we must feel what we are feeling, and stop fighting. And to come home, is to admit we are in the fight.
Once we own the fight, it stops owning us.
There are still moments, and days I find myself in the fight.. but when I let go, and I stop fighting, I feel myself coming home. It's not about getting this right or being perfect... it's about knowing the way home.
Home is where we release what is not aligned to who we truly are. Where we allow our light to shine, our magnificence to magnify and our greatness to glow. Where we thrive inside and out.
These moments are not to be chased. Those moments are reminders calling us home… to feel, heal and to create a truly great life.
Ah yes, imagine a life made not from chasing moments, rather as a way of living, inside and out.
“We're all just walking each other home.” - Ram Dass
PS – if you are ready to ‘come home’, a 3-day retreat is soon to be announced in Melbourne. Numbers are limited so get in touch so I can send you the details. A truly great life awaits. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
PPS - Photo by the very talented Vicki at VSTYLE Photography @www.vstyle.com.au
On December 22nd, 2017 my best friend left this world after her 2 year battle with cancer. It was an experience that nothing could have prepared me for. With that said I now feel deeply grateful for the gifts received after having gone through this experience.
It has been an initiation into another dimension of profound insight and gained wisdom. And certainly the catalyst to step into newness, in fact it has demanded that of me.
It has added a new layer of richness to my work. It has dissolved the veil, brought me closer to the divine, brought home what really matters, and seemingly forced a major clean up and clear out to live aligned to this next level of consciousness. At times it's been brutal, and other times beautiful.
I miss her most everyday. And whilst people say she's with you, and I feel that at times.. it's not the same as having her here with me in the physical sense.
This beautiful woman was the greatest teacher for me to learn about love, and that carved a place so deep within my heart.
I recall so clearly two years ago learning the news of Gabs cancer, we sat down at the bay, an incredible sunset graced our presence. We were both in a bit of shock that day. How is it that this beautiful healthy woman was about to have an operation to remove cancer?!
As we watched the sun set that evening we cried, we laughed, we prayed… and that was the beginning of a journey that I can only describe as the most difficult and yet the most rewarding 2 years of my life.
I had to learn to love without gain, to be love that stays, to not push my needs in the mix, to keep showing up, and to be selfless. I’m not sure that I got it right every time, I did the best I knew how, secretly coming undone behind the scenes, to once again show up with a smile.
I haven’t shared this story with very many, but today I share to celebrate just who this extraordinary woman was. When I met Gabs I was somewhat guarded, afraid to let her in, as so many before Gabs would come into my world, and then leave. I had created a safety protection, a wall... and this beautiful woman was bringing it down.
I shared my experience with her in those first few weeks of our developing friendship. And her response was to put her hand on mine, and say “I will never leave you’. And in that moment I knew they were so much more than just words; in that moment I felt what was a declaration of truth, and it taught me the most valuable lesson of my life.. the power of love.
Gabs taught me how to have the courage to love without fear… and in turn I learned that love stays, and that I too can be LOVE that stays.
Our friendship was indeed a beautiful love affair between two woman who adored each other, who always found reasons to laugh, to celebrate life, and to honour each other’s journey.
We shared many stunning sunsets, beautiful bay walks.. and conversations of our adventures and travels we would take in our long years of friendship to come.
I can’t help but wish we did more traveling together whilst she was alive, and whilst I can’t have the gift of my beautiful bestie by my side, I will always have her essence in my heart as I watch the sun set, as I drink in the ocean and as I travel to where I know her heart would sing.
I’m not sure if it is trite but the saying “You don’t know what you’ve had until it’s gone”, somehow rings true for me now. I realise I had an exquisite friendship with an exquisite human being. And for that I will live each and every day for the rest of my life in such gratitude.
What an honour it has been to know, to love and to call this beautiful woman.. my best friend.
When you find those deep connections, the ones that just make sense, the ones where you balance each other out, the ones where you know they’re your person as of course they are doing all of life with you.. treasure them every day. And those adventures you keep saying you’ll take together - go!
May our hearts grow bigger as we allow love to be our navigation.
From mine to yours
So much love,
PS - Before she died she recorded a meditation, her message of love below.
I went on 'mission clean-up' today and as always found things written from years ago. I discovered an intention I wrote in 2006, a list of what was calling me in my career path. It's incredible how there has always been a theme throughout my life, a thread weaving it's way into the tapestry of my life, a continuous thread connecting the magic that was always there calling me 'home'.
We all have that calling, we all have a trail of clues, a purpose for our lives. And whilst it may not be clear now, and so many obstacles have appeared and continue to appear, the calling continues.
So as I see it, we have three choices;
We can try to ignore it;
choose to struggle with it;
or simply embrace it.
Our true north doesn't mean it's going to be an easy ride. In fact our true north would have to someone be our most challenging adventure, involving many hurdles and obstacles to have us remember who we are; our innate wisdom, our warrior heart, our true nature. These aspects of our life are often only able to be revealed in our 'hero's journey'.
In Joseph Campbell's work, The Hero's Journey is thousands of years old, and there are 3 specific stages he shares.
1. Departure ((following your calling);
2. Initiation (facing your obstacles and challenges);
3. Return (the reward) transformed by the adventure, power and wisdom obtained.
A quote by Joseph Campbell that beautifully encapsulates the journey:
“The hero’s journey always begins with the call. One way or another, a guide must come to say, 'Look, you’re in Sleepy Land. Wake. Come on a trip. There is a whole aspect of your consciousness, your being, that’s not been touched. So you’re at home here? Well, there’s not enough of you there.' And so it starts.”
It's inside all of us, a human element deeply wired into our consciousness. It's where innocence (perhaps ignorance) is transformed to maturity (awareness). It is a Way of Life, an ageless wisdom that reconnects us to our true nature, our greatness.
Ah yes... This is indeed the Warriors Path.
If you feel called, join me on a great adventure. CLICK HERE to explore my programs.
So much love
Almost ten years ago I completed a body of work that set me on a life-changing trajectory for the rest of my life, Soul-Centered Psychotherapy. I must admit whilst deeply in the work I felt my whole life, everything I thought I knew was being turned up-side-down and inside-out…. and in all honesty there were a couple of times I thought I wasn’t going to make it through. I was being stripped back daily of everything I thought I knew, revealing everything I had been hiding from, at times feeling more exposed and vulnerable than I thought I could handle.
In my recent decision to become my own brand, Lara Wilson (for personal transformation programs), along side The Greatness Academy (business training), I've been told it’s time I write my story. Something I have not been embracing as on one level I don’t believe we are our story (as in life we manufacturer our story - next blog topic), and then I feel I could create so many variations of my story… so what is the truth. I realise now there is a story. A story of how I came to be doing this work, and how I have always had the call to dedicate my life to human transformation.
In going through my Soul-centered Psychotherapy course notes today to compile my story of what modalities I have studied, I once again came across my intention at the time, the headline reads; Dedicated to human and cultural transformation. Under that heading is a list of the teachings I want to create, and then this quote...
“To be a leader one must first know what it is to be human”.
Like a bolt of lighting I am taken back to where this all began, my first breakdown at the age of 21. I was just married, had the mortgage, the cat, the dog, the two cars, a steady job, and now a husband. I thought I had followed through on what we ‘should’ do... only to wake up one day feeling like I was dying inside. I recall crying so deeply, so uncontrollably, I collapsed in the shower hitting my head against the glass wall, feeling like I wanted to die.
I was so lost, I would go in and out of anxiety and depression, so desperate to escape this living hell. I went searching for answers; went to doctors, counsellors, psychologists, natural healers, anyone that I thought might be able to help me get out of the bottom of the well I had fallen into. It all felt pointless, as no one seemed to ‘get it’ let alone be able to help me. And then my cousin, my living angle at the time offered some guidance. It wasn’t mainstream but it was the closest thing I had come across to feeling some hope, so I jumped in.
I realise now of course that this was an awakening, and not the sort of awakening that just shakes us up, rather a full-blown earth-shattering knee-bending wanting-to-die awakening. But no one was able to offer guidance, I had to seek and find what I could to bring me back to myself.
And at times the only ‘way out’ was to numb. I did a great job of avoiding, numbing, feeding addictions, running, hiding.. and so well disguised… or so I thought.
I partied for two decades to escape the pain inside. And I partied well. I dove into my professional path to push myself to be better, again another beautiful strategy to avoid the underlying pain. But the calling was always there, I couldn’t shake it. The more I ignored it, the more it called.
I become an avid spiritual seeker, reading all of the new age books, seeking out anything that was hot and new. I kept diving deeper and deeper into another world, I went to the edge of the cosmos and become ‘spiritually’ obsessed. I became a seminar junky, a wild seeker of the truth, the path, perhaps even the magic pill.
I did some crazy shit; sat in tents in the middle of nowhere calling in who knows what during day long 'meditation', to then have ten hands on me for 'healing' each person moaning and groaning, shaking and seeming to perform some sort of exorcism. I had a woman sit on me burping out toxins from my body, I ingested 'natural psychedelics' to heal. I could go on but I’m thinking you get the picture.
I was a rebel, I didn’t buy into anything mainstream, wanted to fight the system, but really I never understood what I was fighting for... it was confusing - a rebel without a cause. I recently learned from my parents I have always been a rebel, apparently I was born a rebel.
I was a lost rebel.
I see it now, I just got lost in all the dogma, the programming and conditioning of what I was buying into. I now understand that the rebel within was calling me to break free of the dogma, the matrix, and the BS that held me prisoner and locked me into this illusionary world.
I woke up, and realised this rebel now has a cause - to awaken and to bridge a new world. So I started with me, and I still continue to do my inner-work. In fact I choose it every day. I’m not associated with any dogma, religion or teachings, or guru’s. I feel into what is next for me, dive in to gain the knowledge to expand my awareness and to continually deepen into my true nature. It’s my life’s work to continually be awakening.
What I have learned along the way of my almost 30 years of wild awakenings is what I now guide others in. The bridging of two worlds; to live, love and lead in a new way. Living an embodied heartfelt and soulful existence, embracing everyday life. This to me is the Warriors Path. And it feels I whole lot like coming home (in ourselves).
So much love
PS - If you are interested to learn more about my programs click here. There are a few exciting opportunities to join me and expand your greatest potential!
Oh how I love a good roar! It’s incredibly powerful and definitely healing. It gets the blocked, held energy moving to clear held emotion and reclaim our power.
So many of us have an inner roar dying to come out and be expressed, and yet we hold back. It's something that has been heavily associated with anger and rage and therefore a negative association is developed and we separate ourselves from this empowering expression. We hold back and even feel ashamed of feeling.
It's so important that we keep breaking old paradigms and creating new possibilities. The old paradigm of 'don't yell, don't be angry, don't loose your shit'.. are all creating a shutting down of our true expression. I've witnessed many people roar and release wild emotions, to find their way back to wholeness.
So here's a possible paradigm shift around rage...
If you look at the dictionary definition for ‘rage' there is a wide range of meanings. From, 'what’s the rage' (computer games are all the rage) to uncontrollable anger, of course this is what we associate with for the most part. But here's the thing, rage according to the dictionary is; to (of an emotion) have or reach a high degree of intensity.
The idea that we can’t be in our full expression, have our edginess, our raw emotions, our inner wildness unleashed as it is unacceptable behaviour, is only creating suppression and division within ourselves. And that just ain’t healthy!
Sometimes the only way to release unhealthy held emotions is to feel it in all it’s intensity and to rage it out; whether that be through breath, movement, or sound. It’s the body’s intelligence calling in it's healing power. Just look at most tribes and indigenous cultures, the Custodians of the land all have a ritualised dance. It’s an embodied wisdom. One that we in the western world have become so disconnected from.
We see babies and young children do it all the time, and yet if an adult was to display the same characteristics they would be thought of as dangerous, out of control or even insane!
To have or reach a high degree of emotional intensity, often the first thing other's will want to do is try shut you down. It’s labelled as wrong, so we then repress the emotions; we feel shame, we hide it, deny it, and try to control it... and yet it’s always there hiding in the shadows, awaiting ignition. Only now it's even more charged and susceptible to becoming fully activated and potentially out of your control.
There are places to let a good 'rage out' go; in the car (preferably whilst no one is next to you... just saying), a secluded beach, a cliff top, on the dance floor. Seriously it’s such great therapy to just let it go! In the right environment, with the right intention it’s so liberating, although at first it can feel strange as we’ve been told we can’t rage. So we slowly breakdown the barriers to find our roar!
Often when we allow our full range of emotions we can breakdown and release through crying, to then feel better soon after. Or perhaps we skip the tears and find we immediately return to stillness, love and joy. Or whatever essence we desire. Bottom line, we feel so much more in alignment, we feel the return of our power, we feel the pulse of aliveness, our life-force returned and activated.
As Brene Brown says, ‘We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions."
PS - Below is Timothy, he loves to rage :-) See his testimonial and much more about how we get our roar on at retreat - Greatness Warriors Bali Retreat, September 2018.
Lara lives in Melbourne Australia.